Here are my proposed changes to the first page and recommendations for the entire document.
PROPOSED PAGE 1 REWRITE:
Surrounded by his peers, Mike listened intently while each CEO in the room offered their individual compliments and criticisms of his business operation. While many CEOs treat their enterprises like sacred cows and reject criticism, Mike was facinated by their insights into his business and absorbed each and every detail.
Joe, a long-time member of Mike’s Roundtable, watched as Mike digested the feedback he was receiving from his peers. An outsider might think that Joe, whose organization consistently ranks among the world’s very best, wouldn’t have much to learn from this group. “Roundtables have been a major force in what I’ve accomplished,” he says.
Under the guidance of their experienced coach, Mike, Joe and the 10 other CEOs, who have been working together in this Roundtable for more than a dozen years, tackled each compliment and criticism individually to help Mike better understand the steps he needs to take to ensure the future success of his business.
The Power of Peers
A Roundtable is a powerful idea based on the simple premise that a CEO’s best allies are often those that operate businesses in the same industry. With no competitors in the room, Roundtables create a climate of exceptional honesty and openness. Members consistently report that the direct, straightforward feedback they receive is invaluable and typically not available elsewhere.
At the beginning of each new Roundtable, members quickly realize that they’re attempting to solve similar business problems and issues and, that by leveraging the collective brainpower and experience of 11 other CEOs, they can tackle problems faster, more effectively and with fewer false starts. “Our industry is so dynamic that I feel a little bewildered from time to time,” Mike acknowledges. “With the Roundtable members in my corner, I have an extended executive team available at a moment’s notice.”
Before each Roundtable session, members submit the real, unvarnished truth about their own business that includes detailed metrics on a wide range of key success indicators. Members are then ranked, top to bottom, against their peers. “We’re a competitive group, and no one wants to look bad,” says Cliff, another member of Mike’s Roundtable. Cliff watches his company’s numbers even more closely in anticipation of the Roundtable rankings.
Joe compares a Roundtable session to the kind of “mastermind group” advocated by Napoleon Hill in the classic entrepreneurial book, “Think and Grow Rich.” In this book, Hill wrote, “No two minds ever come together without, thereby, creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind.”
The impact of a Roundtable on the top and bottom lines of each member’s business is impressive. During the past 10 years, the average CEO in a Roundtable has witnessed almost 20% per year business grow and achieved sustainable double-digit improvements in profitability. These results are not accidental; members push each other to do better, and will not allow each other to fail or become complacent.
Roundtables succeed, and therefore the business owners succeed, because member’s abide by a code of mutual respect and accountability in a climate of total honesty and confidentiality. At the root of every Roundtable session lies the power of peers helping one another accomplish deep learning, better execution and an intimacy that is unrivaled. CEOs looking for a cozy social club where idle chatter takes precedence over real results will not fit in a Roundtable. “We can be tough on each other when it’s needed,” says Cliff. “But practically every Roundtable member has become a very good, trusted friend of mine, and the others would all say the same.”
ISSUES THAT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED:
• There are minor punctuation, grammar and spelling issues throughout the article.
• A 3-column format is difficult to read and requires extensive scrolling; recommend an uneven 2-column format to eliminate scrolling and help to reduce hyphenation.
• Pull quote formatting is inconsistent; plus, placement of pull quotes is wrong, they should be immediately before the paragraph that contains the actual copy.
• Subheads are not consistent – the first is black and the rest are blue.
• Depending on how this will be distributed, images should be optimized to reduce the file size. Converting it to an optimized PDF file will both fix this issue and safeguard the copy from change.
• The document lacks any form of company branding.
• Recommend an end-of-document “About the Company/About the Author” section.
• Some sections of the copy would be better served as sidebars rather than paragraph text. This will add visual interest and draw the reader’s attention to featured copy.
• Overall, the article is very informative, it just needs to be restructured slightly for better readability, and formatted for a professional appearance.